Sexual Liberation

Understanding Sexual liberation.

Swingers, open relationships, fetishes, open gay sexuality, “oh my god what’s the world coming too”! Well that’s what the old ladies at the post office say. The rest, maybe they just tolerate it, maybe ignore it, or maybe wish they had the courage to “be like that” or they just join in! If you are curious about these different attitudes to sex and relationships and how they can possibly work, then read on.

Firstly it is all about a different attitude to life, another way of looking at things. Many people into swinging open relationships or voyeuristic lifestyles are realists, they may look at life in an alternative way, seeing through many of the illusions that living within a society produces.
Sex and sexuality plays a huge part in peoples lives, it is the primary function of life and indeed the reason we are all here. Relationships, friendships and love also play a very important part of our emotional stability in life. However the society we live in can and does control us in how we can behave both sexually and emotionally. Sex and sexuality are often given a very negative image, and relationships with the opposite sex have strict sets of rules we try to follow, no matter how hard. Our true feelings and thoughts may often need to be totally hidden away from our partner, or from our society, so that we can remain accepted within societies attitude to what is normal or acceptable. Religion also plays a huge part in what is acceptable within our societies, as does politics and regional traditions and customs. Whatever society we come from we strive to stay accepted as part of the “Normal” staying controlled and following the rules to whatever level is required to remain accepted. Even when our own thoughts and feelings do not match what is expected of us, we continue to follow the act, never speaking out or acting out what we believe, think or feel for fear of it's rejection.
It may just be possible that most people actually do think and feel just the same way about most things in life, but many of us hide our true feelings and only speak the one's we feel are appropriate and in keeping with our societies rules.

We may never even tell our closest partner our true thoughts fantasies and feelings, and sometime we seem shut out the belief that our partner may even have these thoughts themselves. From day one in our live we are taught a strict set of rules, guidelines that we should follow in life and love, anything outside of these rules is given the image of disgust and unacceptability. Those who openly step outside the rules of society, or the boundaries of what is classed as acceptable, risk rejection within their society.

Just as we have laws there to protect us from people who may wish us harm, it may be that the rules, morals and attitudes that we still abide to when it comes to sex and relationships, were, originally there to protect us from harm. Indeed before the days of modern medicine and contraception, sex, was indeed a risky practice within communities. Spreading of disease, infections and of course the very high risk of pregnancy along with a general public ignorance of sex, may well be the key to why our societies and religions adopted these attitudes to sex.
But we live in the year 2008, contraception, hygiene and general education is much better now, of course there are always some risks to open sexual behaviour, but with some amount of care, open sexual activity between consenting adults can be safe and fulfilling.

In traditional relationships the main problem and one that always has caused the biggest issues is the subject of monogamy and faithfulness. Though many of us strive to have “perfect relationships” in a monogamous way, they do very often go wrong and in many a case, that is due to one of the couple failing on monogamy (How many relationships do you know that ended this way?). Sexual Monogamy for many intents and purposes may be quite unnatural, and although we try hard to abide by this rule we cannot always control the power that nature has over us when it comes to sex.

The emotional restrictions in traditional relationships can also be very restrictive, usually allowing only deep meaningful and intimate emotions to develop within the main relationship. Of course we may love our family and close friends and we are allowed some form of relationship with them, but when a close friend becomes too close, or there is too much intimacy, this feels like a threat to our primary relationship and the walls close in.
The sad thing however is that, we are very emotional and sexual beings, we are more than capable of love, sex and intimacy with more than one person in our lives and one person can rarely satisfy everything we truly desire. This can lead to inner frustrations that can and do result in the relationship failing as we crave more attention in some way, either sexually emotionally or both.

Rarely do relationships split up because we have fallen out of love with our partner, or no longer care about them. More often they end because we have been seeking attention elsewhere to satisfy the needs we may have. That is not acceptable in the traditional relationship so therefore it must end.
Many people lie to and deceive their partners in order to have sex, or emotional attachments elsewhere, usually hoping not to be caught out and therefore never to spoil their primary relationship, or to risk loosing their partner.
This of course only adds to the problem more if the secret gets out, as then we have the very real problem of deceit and lack of trust, along with the broken rules of the relationship and jealousy that follows.

The truth is that most of us require some amount of sexual or emotional attention outside of the long term monogamous relationship, at times we all crave it, and even at the risk of breaking the rules of our relationship and possibly loosing our partner, that we may still love dearly, a huge amount of us will still risk getting involved with another person at some time. Maybe it is not the relationship that is at fault but societies ideals of how a relationship should be. We can even tear ourselves apart at the thought of our relationship not ending up how we had hoped, we all long for the perfect relationship, many of us find faults in the relationships we have because it is not how we imagined it to be.

Many people feel there is something missing in there relationship and try hard to find it, maybe they are looking for something they will never find and should never expect to find within one person.
So traditional relationships and views do not always work, but what about the more liberated attitudes can they and do they work.

Yes and no! Liberated attitudes to sex, sexuality and relationships can indeed work and we believe if mastered and understood right they may prove more. It takes a whole new way of thinking and unlearning of some of the things we have learned. It may put us at risk of looking a little out of place within our society, although these days it is slowly becoming more acceptable. Why do we look upon the act of sex with such fear? If your partner was having sex behind your back and you knew nothing about it but your relationship was good, then would the secret sex make them, or your relationship different in any way?
Yes it would make them a liar and cheat, but then, could they have openly told you about it, without affecting the relationship, even before it actually took place?

The best way to start on the road to sexual and emotional liberation, is to search within yourself first. If you could have it all your own way, if you could write the rules and morals to life, using your own thoughts and feelings, how would you set out the guidelines?

If you had total sexual freedom within your relationship would you appreciate it?

Would you be able to accept your partner with another person? If not why not? If your answer is something like “well just because its not right”, then are you thinking for yourself, or from what you have been taught is right ?
Being truly liberated takes time and understanding, it is not about breaking all the rules, but about modifying them a little to suit you better. It is about realizing and understanding that each person is an individual and you are an individual. Your wants and needs may differ to that of your partner or another person just as theirs may differ from yours. It is about accepting that you have been born to feel sexually and emotionally towards other people, it is not a crime, or a sin, it is a true beautiful gift of nature and life.
Many people who have adopted more liberated attitudes to life such as swingers have found alternative ways that non-traditional can work, often better than traditional ones. In this lifestyle couples in relationships can often become life long friends with another couple or sometimes single person, allowing them into the walls of the relationship and, choosing to share both emotional and sexual experiences together.

As a writer of websites and with knowledge of the online and offline adult scene, it still never fails to amaze me how big an illusion we try to create in life. Although on the surface we appear to be striving to do the right thing in our relationships and lives, (we all get married have the kids, get a nice house and car and follow the norm). However beneath the surface of this and behind closed doors there really is a different story going on.
Through the Internet we have been able to communicate our true wants and feelings in a more discreet way and it has enabled more interactive sexual entertainment than ever before. Online adult contact adverts and dating has become huge business, as have escort sites and lives sex chat.
In one small town in England alone, on one single contact advert system, there was over 990 people, on checking a further 12 separate contact and dating websites I found similar amounts of people in the same town. People are using the Internet more than ever before for relationships and sexual encounters.
Married men and women are advertised on contact sites everywhere, requesting discreet sexual encounters, threesomes, groupsex and more. Married women wishing for discreet bisexual encounters while the husband is at work is popular as is men wanting to nip off and suck another mans c**k, while the wife is none the wiser.
It is also becoming increasingly popular for people into lifestyles such as swinging, group sex, fetishes and voyeurism to meet other like-minded people online.
On estimate there may be over 1,500 000 openly swinging couples now in the UK alone (I believe many more). The Internet porn industry is worth billions and each year grows stronger. Adult chat rooms are full to the brim with voyeuristic people ready to get naked and masturbate on the web cam for whoever may be interested in watching. There is also no stereo-typical person using the Internet for these reasons, all ages, and all types.
So who are all these people??? Well you lot of course! The neighbours next door having secret orgies, the woman down the street into fetish and bondage, maybe the person sat next to you right now ! They would never put a foot wrong or do anything strange, would they ?? Or maybe, just maybe, you have a few deep dark secrets too!
Its about time we started to see the real world, accepting each other and stop pretending to each other! That is liberation !” Be proud to be yourself , be proud of your partner and be proud of your relationship no matter how far from the "normal" it is. If it's right for you and feels good then enjoy your liberation !